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20 Dry Humour Jokes To Make You Smile Slightly

These deadpan jokes and puns are best delivered with a totally straight face!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  March 11th 2024

Looking for something a little more deadpan to make your friends and family laugh? These jokes are as dry as a Weetabix in the middle of the Sahara! Tell them with a straight face to amp up the effect - giggles guaranteed! And don't forget to try our other jokes too - check out our mega "what do you call...?" joke compilation - or maybe some truly cheesy jokes?

I’m going to try on my new reversible jacket today…

I can’t wait to see how it turns out.

Two men are on opposite sides of a river. One shouts, “I need your help to get to the other side!”

The other replies, “You’re already on the other side.”

What do you get if you cross an octopus and a horse?

A visit from the ethics committee and your funding removed.  

I’ve been told I’m condescending…

That means I talk down to people.

Want to know the last thing my grandpa said to me before he kicked the bucket?

“I wonder how far I can kick this bucket?”

Did you hear that Dr. Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding contest?

When he got there, he realised he’d misunderstood the advert.

“I always use my right hand to stir my tea.”

“That’s weird, I always use a spoon.”

My girlfriend asked me to pass her a chapstick, but I accidentally gave her a gluestick…

She still isn’t talking to me.

A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books on paranoia…

The librarian says, “They’re behind you.”

I have a Polish friend who’s a sound technician…

And a Czech one too. Czech one too. Czech one too.

I went to a café that said they served breakfast at any time…

So I ordered eggs and bacon during the Cretaceous period.

A horse walks into a bar, the barman says “Why the long face?”

The horse says: “Evolution.”

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon…

I’ll let you know what happens.

Why are kleptomaniacs so hard to talk to?

They take everything literally.

I have the worst thesaurus ever…

Not only is it terrible, it’s also terrible.

Two windmills are on a wind farm. One says, “What kind of music do you like?”

The other replies, “I’m a big metal fan.”

What is the leading cause of dry skin?


Why should you never eat a clock?

It’s too time-consuming.

If everything in life seems to be coming your way…

You might be driving on the wrong side of the road.

What did the Dalai Lama say when he walked into the pizza shop?

“Can you make me one with everything?”