20 Dry Humour Jokes To Make You Smile Slightly
These deadpan jokes and puns are best delivered with a totally straight face!
Looking for something a little more deadpan to make your friends and family laugh? These jokes are as dry as a Weetabix in the middle of the Sahara! Tell them with a straight face to amp up the effect - giggles guaranteed! And don't forget to try our other jokes too - check out our mega "what do you call...?" joke compilation - or maybe some truly cheesy jokes?
I’m going to try on my new reversible jacket today…
I can’t wait to see how it turns out.
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/20_2d7fcf.png?w=1024)
Two men are on opposite sides of a river. One shouts, “I need your help to get to the other side!”
The other replies, “You’re already on the other side.”
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/19_eed840.png?w=1024)
What do you get if you cross an octopus and a horse?
A visit from the ethics committee and your funding removed.
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/18_11904c.png?w=1024)
I’ve been told I’m condescending…
That means I talk down to people.
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/17_abaf21.png?w=1024)
Want to know the last thing my grandpa said to me before he kicked the bucket?
“I wonder how far I can kick this bucket?”
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/16_c5317b.png?w=1024)
Did you hear that Dr. Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding contest?
When he got there, he realised he’d misunderstood the advert.
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/15_ccf41d.png?w=1024)
“I always use my right hand to stir my tea.”
“That’s weird, I always use a spoon.”
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/14_6038b8.png?w=1024)
My girlfriend asked me to pass her a chapstick, but I accidentally gave her a gluestick…
She still isn’t talking to me.
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/13_ff1be5.png?w=1024)
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books on paranoia…
The librarian says, “They’re behind you.”
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/12_db5d2c.png?w=1024)
I have a Polish friend who’s a sound technician…
And a Czech one too. Czech one too. Czech one too.
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/11_5673bc.png?w=1024)
I went to a café that said they served breakfast at any time…
So I ordered eggs and bacon during the Cretaceous period.
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/10_7f257c.png?w=1024)
A horse walks into a bar, the barman says “Why the long face?”
The horse says: “Evolution.”
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/9_52c5b0.png?w=1024)
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon…
I’ll let you know what happens.
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/8_ff3ae0.png?w=1024)
Why are kleptomaniacs so hard to talk to?
They take everything literally.
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/7_7251a3.png?w=1024)
I have the worst thesaurus ever…
Not only is it terrible, it’s also terrible.
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/6_9c3ae8.png?w=1024)
Two windmills are on a wind farm. One says, “What kind of music do you like?”
The other replies, “I’m a big metal fan.”
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/5_e75f34.png?w=1024)
What is the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/4_6f5c47.png?w=1024)
Why should you never eat a clock?
It’s too time-consuming.
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/3_3f4d46.png?w=1024)
If everything in life seems to be coming your way…
You might be driving on the wrong side of the road.
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/2_9dbae4.png?w=1024)
What did the Dalai Lama say when he walked into the pizza shop?
“Can you make me one with everything?”
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/1_a692cf.png?w=1024)
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/JOKE-GEN-7.webp)
Want More Gags?
Check Out the Great Joke Generator!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/nextup_2b2fa0.png?w=1024)