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The 20 Terrible Best (Or Worst) Christmas Jokes

Ho ho ho or no no no? These 20 Christmas jokes might be the best or worst ever! Read on to find out with our list of festive funnies!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  December 10th 2023

It's the most magical time of year! Or... is it the cringiest? There's a thin line between good and bad when it comes to Christmas, just look how much fun it is to hang up old worn out pairs of socks! Christmas jokes are no exception - with some classics being, well let's face it, pretty bad. So are these 20 Christmas jokes crackers or howlers? You tell us!

And if you're looking for more festive fun, check out these reindeer jokes, these snowmen jokes, or even these Christmas cat jokes! Purrfect!

Ready to try your luck on these so-good-they're-bad Christmas puns and oneliners? Grab a satsuma and let's find out!

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?


Who delivers presents to cats?

Santa Paws!

What’s the most popular Christmas wine?

‘But I don’t like Brussels sprouts!’

Why don’t you ever see Santa in hospital?

Because he has private elf care!

What would you call an elf who just has won the lottery?


What do the elves cook with in the kitchen?


What do sheep say at Christmas?

A Merry Christmas to Ewe!

How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?

Nothing, it was on the house!

What is the best Christmas present?

A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!

What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?

He got 25 days!

What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party?

Freeze a jolly good fellow!

What's the best thing to put into a Christmas cake?

Your teeth!

What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”?

Santa walking backwards!

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?

A Christmas Quacker!

What is a sloth's favourite carol?

Jungle bells!

What is a vegan’s favourite Christmas carol?

“Soy to the World!”

Who’s Rudolph’s favourite pop star?


What do you call a computer that grows on a Christmas tree?

A PineApple!

A laughing pineapple in front of a pizza background

Who gives lobsters their Christmas presents?

Santa Claws!

Smiling red Christmas present with a green ribbon wrapped around it

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?

A mince spy!

Mince pie