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Beano Comic

26 Family Jokes Which Will Liven Up Any Dinner Time

These family jokes are dad funny!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  June 6th 2023

Families are hilarious at the best of times, so we've rounded up the best gags ever put for your your delight! 

Once you've stitched your sides back together, why not check out these dad jokes, Mother's Day jokes and knock-knock jokes?

We have jokes for practically every occasion – visit the Joke Generator if you don't believe us!

Where did the onion find his family history?

In the archives!

What does a bowler and a family at Thanksgiving have in common?

They both want a turkey!

A massive turkey

What does a pumpkin call his family?

His pumpKIN!

How did the baby tell her mum she had a wet nappy?

She sent her a wee-mail!

A baby wearing glasses

Why was this dad useless at buying herbs at the supermarket?

He couldn't find the thyme!

A man in a leafy garden

What did the mother spider hide her child's iPad?

They said they were spending too much time on the web!

A smiling spider

Who is best at Halloween fancy dress?

Mummies and Deadies!

Parents dressed up for Halloween

What is a dad's favourite type of pizza?

Papa John's!

A man who loves pizza

Did you hear about the uncle who repaired lifts?

He said his job had its ups and downs!

A man outside of a lift or elevator

What did the drummer call his twin daughters?

Anna one, Anna two!

A drummer with a big bushy beard

How can you tell if you're at an emotional wedding?

Even the cake is in tiers!

Why did the sister eat her homework? 

Her teacher said it was a piece of cake!

A girl eating some paper

Which family member can help thaw ice on a car windscreen?

Aunty Freeze!

A cold aunty

Why did the police officer put their child on the naughty step?

They were resisting a rest!

A tired police officer

How would an astronaut throw a birthday party for his wife?

He would planet carefully!

An astronaut in space with a floating gift

Why should you never invite an aardvark to your family party?

Because it will eat your aunts!

An aardvark in a party hat

Why did the mum buy a house on eBay?

Because she thought it was address!

A woman and a house

Where does rope go when it misbehaves?

The knotty step!

Naughty rope

What do you call a funny family of chairs?

A sitcom!

Two chairs

What do you call an unfriendly family member?

Aunty Social!

A grumpy woman

Why do kangaroo mums hate rainy days?

Because their kids have to play inside!

A kangaroo and her joey

Why did the grandad not trust his stairs?

He said they were up to something!

An old man next to a flight of stairs

What’s a minimum?

A mother driving a small car!

A woman in a Mini car

What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?

Copy and basting!

Christmas dinner jokes

What song does Peppa Pig's family sing on New Year's Eve?

Auld Lang Swine!

Who does the Floss at Buckingham Palace?

The Royale Family!