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20 West Ham Jokes that are Magically Top of the League!

Here's some hilarious Hammers jokes for West Ham fans everyhwere!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  April 12th 2024

There are lots of successful London teams in the Premier League and then there's West Ham United! We're joking, of course. They won the Europa Conference League in 2023, which is more than some clubs can say. We've rounded up some of the most hilarious Hammers jokes and we didn't even mention bubbles once!

Why was the London Stadium pitch get all wet?

The players dribbled all over it!

What happens when the opposition cross the halfway line at London Stadium?

They score!

A goal hitting the back of the net

What's the difference between West Ham's goalie and a taxi driver?

A taxi driver will only let four in!

What does Michail Antonio and a magician have in common?

Hat tricks!

Michail Antonio

Why was the West Ham goalie's piggy bank empty?

They couldn't save anything!

A piggy bank

I set my XBOX password to 'WestHamSquad'...

It said it was too weak!

What does a Hammers supporter do when their team has won the Champions League?

Wake up and realise it was a dream!

A sleepy man at the dining table

What do I have in common with West Ham United?

We'll both be watching the cup final on telly!

What's the difference between a barely used shop loyalty card and West Ham United?

The loyalty card has earned more points!

What's the difference between West Ham and an eagle?

An eagle has a good pair of wings!

An eagle and a pineapple

What is a pig's favourite football team?

West Ham!

Arsenal paid West Ham £105 million for Rice?

It's only 60p at the supermarket!

Declan Rice

Why was Thor sad?

Because even he couldn't lift the Hammers to the top of the league!

Which football team has nailed their formation?

The Hammers!

A hammer and nails

What do you call a West Ham fan in a Wembley cup final?

The referee!

A smiling referee

Which West Ham player makes people cry?

Michail Ant-onion!

Why do West Ham fans plat potatoes around the edge of the pitch?

So their team have something to lift at the end of the season!


What's the worst thing about the London Stadium?

All the seats face the pitch!

A football commentator

I found a pair of West Ham tickets nailed to a tree...

I thought, 'Great, a free nail!'

Why can't you drink tea at West Ham games?

All the cups are in Manchester!