214 Best Funny Jokes for Kids
We've got the best funny jokes! Here's our collection of hilarious jokes for kids.
What makes funny jokes ... funny? Well, read through our list of over 200 funny jokes and discover what tickles you. If you're looking for a quick laugh or a massive stash of jokes to tell to your mates, we've got you covered. We've searched far and wide for the best funny jokes to get you laughing.
Is it the perfect punchline that makes a joke funny, or the choice of subject? Is it short one liner jokes that get you giggling or long jokes jokes with a bit of a story? We've covered all the bases across Beano.com with hilarious jokes for kids on every topic, from Aladdin to space, poop and eggs.
1. At the bank a lady asked me to check her balance
So I pushed her over
2. YouTube, Twitter and Facebook are making a joint website. What would it be called?
3. A Mexican man says to his friends: "I can disappear in three seconds":
Uno... dos... and then he disappears without a tres!
4. Have you seen the new movie, Constipated?
No? That's because it hasn't come out yet!
5. What's the difference between Harry Hill and Dennis the Menace?
Nothing, they both have great Gnashers!
6. I went to the doctor this morning and said "I've swallowed a golf ball..."
The doctor said, "Yes, I can see it's gone down a fairway!"
7. What is green and not heavy?
8. What do you call a magic Labrador?
9. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he farted so he had to run away from the smell!
10. What's the name of the teacher who is always late?
11. Why was the aeroplane ill?
It had the flew!
12. A chef asked me to check the balance of the chili and onion in a soup...
... so I pushed it over!
13. What is the smelliest game?
14. What's a cat's favourite nursery rhyme?
Three Blind Mice
15. What did the tree say to the tree surgeon?
You're committing high tree-son!
16. What do you call a pig that knows karate?
17. What is the most dangerous part of the body?
The shoulder blades!
18. Why was Eeyore down the toilet?
Because he was looking for Pooh!
19. What did mummy pasta say to baby pasta?
It's pasta your bedtime!
20. Why does a mouse do the washing up?
To make it squeaky clean!
21. Which bird steals soap from your bath?
A robber duck!
22. What's a rabbit's favourite type of music?
23. How do you make a goldfish age?
Take out the G and Fish!
24. What's a horse's favourite cheese?
25. What is a horse's favourite song lyric?
Now watch me whip, now watch me nay, nay!
26. What did the traffic light say to the car?
Hey! Don't look. I'm about to change!
27. Why did the boy's computer break?
He tried eating his cookies with milk!
28. Why did the boy go to the corner of his hot classroom?
Because it was 90 degrees!
29. What do you call two people who rob clothes shops?
A pair of knickers!
30. What did the cow say to Ariana Grande?
You've got the moooooooooves!
31. What is Beethoven doing in his grave?
32. Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello to the other sideeeeeeeee!
33. What's a candle's least favourite colour?
34. What happened when the frog's car broke down?
He jump started it!
35. Why did the man fall down a hole?
Because it was April Falls' Day!
36. Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
37. Did you hear the rumour about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn't have spread it!
38. What do you get when a cow jumps on a trampoline?
39. Daddy put the cat out...
I didn't know he was on fire!
40. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
41. Why did the boy eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
42. Why did the cookie call the doctor?
Because his world was crumbling!
43. What did the tree say to the other tree?
You look leafy!
44. Two crisp packets are walking down the road. A man in a car comes along and asks if they want a ride...
"No thanks, we're Walkers!"
45. Why don't Shellfish share?
Because they're Shellfish!
46. What happens when you mix a shark and a cow together?
I don't know but I wouldn't want to milk it!
47. What did the log say to the other log?
Wood you be my girlfriend?
48. Why are pirates called pirates?
Because they arrrrrrrrrrrrrh!
49. Where does a dog go to get another tail?
The re-tail shop!
50. Why didn't the donkey cross the road?
Because he saw what happened to the zebra!
51. How do Wookies like their cookies?
52. What has four legs and is bubbly?
A giraffe in a bath!
53. Knock, knock! Who's there? Ash. Ash who?
Here's a tissue!
54. Why was the computer cold?
Because Windows was left open!
55. Why did the cow cross the road?
To watch a moo-vie!
56. What's the most popular name for a sheep?
57. Why did the doctor take a red pen to work?
In case she wanted to draw blood!
58. Why did the school ban scissors?
To stop people cutting class!
59. Why did the teddy bear say no to pudding?
Because he was stuffed!
60. What is bouncy and spikey?
A hedgehog playing basketball!
61. What do you get when you cross a zebra with flashing lights?
A zebra crossing!
62. Why did the cow cross the road?
To listen to the moo-sician!
63. Teacher: How do you spell London? Child: L… I… O Teacher: There's no I in London!
Child: Yes there is, I went on it with my mum!
64. Why did the dog sit next to the fire?
He wanted to be a hot dog!
65. What do you call a sheep with no head or legs?
66. Which musical instrument is the best at catching fish?
67. What did prehistoric animals get instead of blisters?
68. How did the Japanese sauce say hello to the bee?
69. What did the dog say when it sat on some sharp stones?
70. Why did the elephants get kicked out of the swimming pool?
Because they couldn’t keep their trunks up!
71. What is a pirate’s favourite vegetable?
72. A lady went into a pet shop: "I want a parrot for my little girl..."
"Sorry, madam, we don’t do swaps."
73. I got hit in the face with a snowball recently…
Knocked me out cold!
74. What’s a frogs favourite drink?
75. A child in church felt unwell. Her mum told her to go and vomit somewhere and when she came back her mum asked her where she did it...
“In that box labelled for the sick!"
76. What kind of lunches do geometry teachers enjoy?
77. Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?
He was perfecting his swing!
78. What type of food is a duck and mole put together?
79. Why don’t you make a joke angry?
Because it always has a punchline!
80. Why are flowers never lonely?
Because of their little bud-dies!
81. What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
82. Why did the toilet roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom!
83. What do you call a comedian who can’t sit down?
A stand up comedian!
84. What do you say if a swarm of bees come at you?
Buzz off and beeware!
85. What was the atmosphere like when the past, present and future walked into class?
86. What do you call the best maze ever?
87. My dog Minton ate two shuttle cocks...
88. Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the moo-seum!
89. Doctor, doctor! Can you give me something for my wind?
Yes, have a kite!
90. What did the policeman say to the bank robbing skunk?
I don’t like the scent of this one!
91. What is smelly and strong?
A cheese lifting weights!
92. What do you do when your teacher rolls her eyes at you?
Pick them up and roll them back!
93. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed?
Because she couldn’t control her pupils!
94. What do you call a pile of cats?
95. How much food does a cat have at breakfast?
96. What did the monster ask his girlfriend?
Be my valen-slime!
97. Why is Peter Pan always flying?
98. Knock, knock! Who’s there? The Police. How many are there of you? Two!
Talk to each other then!
99. Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other…
Do you know how to drive this thing?!
100. Why did the sheep cross the road?
He really wanted a chocolate baaaaa!
101. What did the cheese say when he looked in the mirror?
102. What do you call a very excited pillow?
A whoopee cushion!
103. Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers!
104. What did the shoe say to the other shoe?
You’re bootiful, fancy going for a walk?!
105. What type of wall saves a goal?
106. What does a lemon need when it hurts itself?
107. What do you call a snowman’s dog?
A slush puppy!
108. What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
109. Where do fish keep their money?
In a river bank!
110. How do you fry a black and white bear?
With a pan-duh!
111. Where do rabbits get their eyes checked?
112. What do you call a ghost comedian?
113. What’s the stupidest animal in the jungle?
A polar bear!
114. Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze!
115. What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck!
116. What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
I think I'm coming down with something!
117. What does a nosey pepper do?
Gets jalapeno business!
118. What do you call a cow with a twitch?
119. How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogey in it!
120. What do you call a computer that sings?
121. What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on a head and I'll hang around!
122. Why should you take a pencil to bed?
To draw the curtains!
123. Why did the robber take a bath?
They wanted to make a clean getaway!
124. Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.
That’s just how I roll!
125. Have you heard about corduroy pillows?
They’re making headlines!
126. I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday.
Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible!
127. I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was.
Then it dawned on me!
128. As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field.
But hey, it's in my jeans!
129. What's a foot long and slippery?
130. Why do you never see elephants hiding up trees?
Because they're really good at it!
131. What did the 0 say to the 8?
132. Some people have difficulty sleeping...
But I can do it with my eyes shut!
133. What do you call an arrogant criminal going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending!
134. If you boil a funny bone...
You get a laughing stock!
135. How do balloons trip up?
They fall float on their face!
136. What’s a blob’s favourite drink?
137. What is the wettest animal?
138. Which football team loves ice cream?
139. Who's in charge of the pencil case?
140. What do you call a fake lasagne?
141. Why are mushrooms invited to parties?
Because they are such fungis!
142. What day of the week do potatoes hate the most?
143. How do trees use computers?
They log in!
144. What's an astronaut's favourite computer key?
The space bar!
145. What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two!
146. How do bees get to school?
On the school buzz!
147. Why did the tap dancer give up?
He kept falling in the sink!
148. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
149. Why do ducks make good detectives?
They always quack the case
150. Why did Gran put wheels on her rocking chair?
So she could rock 'n' roll!
151. What did one bogey say to the other?
“You think you’re funny, but you’re snot!”
152. How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it!
153. Knock, knock! Who's there? Amos. Amos who?
154. Did you hear about the thief who stole a surfboard?
He escaped on a crime wave!
155. What was wrong with the wooden car?
It wooden go!
156. What do you call a fast fungus?
157. Which animal do you want to be in winter?
A little otter!
158. Why are drummers never late?
They beat the clock!
159. Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pack of cards!
I'll deal with you later!
160. Doctor, doctor! I think I’ve lost my memory! When did this happen?
When did what happen?
161. What insect is good at counting?
162. What do elephants wear to go swimming?
163. Knock, knock! Who's there? Lettuce. Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out here!
164. What makes music on your head?
165. What do you call a really good plumber?
A drain surgeon!
166. What colour do cats like?
167. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
168. Why did the bodybuilder change his password?
It wasn't strong enough!
169. How do you throw a space party?
170. What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?
171. I farted in an elevator...
It was wrong on so many levels!
172. Did you hear the story about the rabbit's childhood?
It's a hare-raising tale!
173. Did you hear the pun about the German sausage?
It was the wurst!
174. What did the vicar say at the internet wedding?
'I now pronounce you husband and Wi-Fi!'
175. Vegetable puns make me feel good.
From my head tomatoes!
176. Why do nurses creep around at night?
So they don't wake the sleeping pills!
177. I entered ten puns in a pun contest hoping one would win...
But no pun in ten did!
178. Did you hear about the octopuses that were in love?
They went about arm in arm in arm in arm
179. Why shouldn't you open emails about pork and ham?
They're just spam!
180. Which day is the worst to propose on?
April Fools' Day!
181. What did the astronaut say when he was given his birthday present?
'Houston, we have gift off!'
182. Why did the robot marry his partner?
He couldn't resistor!
183. I wanted a new toaster but the shop website was too annoying
Too many pop-ups!
184. What do you call an egg who likes to prank?
A practical YOLKer!
185. What's Orangey and bad for your teeth?
186. Why did the lumberjack need to see the dentist?
He had a cavitree!
187. Why did the Pharaoh visit the dentist?
Because Egypt his tooth!
188. What award do you give a bad dentist?
189. What did one tectonic plate say to the other?
'There's too much friction between us!'
190. Why did the ant go "1...2...3...4..."?
Because it's the little things in life that count!
191. Times New Roman and Comic Sans walk into a bar
'Get out!' says the barman 'We don't serve your type here!'
192. My grandpa’s last words were “Pints! Gallons! Litres!”
That spoke volumes!
193. What did the skeleton say to the barman?
I'll have a drink and a mop!
194. What did the potato say to the chip?
"For goodness sake, put some clothes on!"
195. What did the farmer say to the cow when it wouldn’t go to sleep?
It’s pasture bedtime!
196. Did you hear the jokes about the fungus?
You wont like it, but it might grow on you!
197. How does a Dalek keep its skin soft?
198. My favourite teacher at school was Mrs. Turtle
Strange name but she TORTOISE well!
199. Do you know why I stay up late on weekends?
Because sleep is for the week!
201. "Have you got any books on turtles?" asked the boy to the librarian.
"Hard back?" "Yes, with little heads."
202. Did you hear about the writing robot who combined all the different books ever written into one novel?
It's a long story!
203. What did Harry Potter say to his godfather?
Why so Sirius?
204. Has a Dalmation ever made you a taco?
They really hit the spot!
205. What’s a Lion’s favorite US state?
206. I'd tell you a chemistry joke...
But I know I wouldn't get a reaction!
207. How do pastry chefs get old?
Time crêpes up on them!
208. I just saw a golfer crying his eyes out...
He's going through a rough patch!
209. I’m about to order a dangerous cup of coffee...
Safe tea first, though!
210. Did you see the Youtube channel of boxing matches in reverse?
They're my favorite unboxing videos!
211. Why do Youtubers love The Legend of Zelda?
There's always a Link in the description!
212. Where do the smartest parrots live?
In the brain-forest!
213. What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head off!
214. When do astronauts eat their sandwiches?
At launch time!